Deployment thoughts

Hi friends! Thank you SO, so much for your incredible comments and DMs this week. They made my heart so warm and I hope you know how thankful we are for your support, love, and sharing in our joy. I’ve shared some pretty huge life moments here on the blog, and it means the world to me that you’re here. You feel like a part of our family and I’m filled with gratitude to you all.

This post is just a collection of random thoughts I put together during the past 7 months. It was SO HARD to not write about the deployment since it was a huge part of our life, but thank you for understanding why I chose to keep it off the blog while it was happening. Here’s a little peek into brain while all of this was going down:

– I told him that I was feeling lonely and just missing having him around. A couple of weeks later, a box arrived with a shirt in it that he slept in for a few days. When I brought it up to my face and deeply inhaled his scent, my eyes welled with tears. I “saved” the shirt until I had a really rough day and needed it, and man, I needed it. It felt like the biggest hug.

– Our yard guy is harmless, but so.freaking.nosy. “When’s your husband coming home? Where is he?”  “He’s at work.”   “Yeah, but he’s like not in town, right?”    “No.”   “Wait, but when does he come back? Where is he?”     YOU’RE KILLIN’ ME, SMALLS.

– One of the hardest and weirdest parts about deployment is that you eventually become ok with being alone. It’s great and terribly sad at the same time. The thought of him being here literally feels like a dream come true. Like wait, there’s a person out there who wants to hang out with me every day? And we have a lot of fun together? And he loves our babies, and bathes them, and puts them to sleep at night? Sign me up.

– Dragging the trash can and recycling bin to the curb and back every week is the worst thing ever. We usually don’t have assigned tasks around the house or anything like that (we just do what needs to be done) but the trash? His job.

– When Tom comes home, I’m going to look like a weathered bag. I’m going to emerge like I’m coming out of the Civil War.

– It’s December now, which means he’s been gone almost 6 months. And I actually have a kinda-date for when he’s supposed to be home. It feels like I finally know that there’s a finish line to all of this, which was unimaginable in the early months. I’m starting to feel really excited.

– When I think about how much the girls have changed and grown since he left, it makes me cry a little. They’re so much bigger, funnier, wiser, and look like big kids instead of babies. I’m literally the exact same that I was when he left… but more tired looking, so there ya go.

– The Pilot hasn’t had a hug from someone who loves him in over 6 months, which breaks my heart. I feel so lucky that I’ve been able to have the girls hugs and sweetness around me because it’s really helped to get me through this. During the deployment, I haven’t felt sad or sorry for myself. I feel sad for him, and I think he knows that we’re going to make up for lost hug time when he gets here.

– When he’s gone, we eat breakfast for dinner a lot. Also a lot more restaurant meals and microwave mac n’ cheese. I’m strangely looking forward to cooking more consistently when he comes back. (At the same time, it’s SO EASY to just make pancakes, turkey bacon, and fruit for dinner… and the girls actually eat it.)

– I think I’ve written about this in the past, but when he’s gone, one of the hardest things for me is seeing other couples out and about, bickering. I was in Target and overhead another couple arguing about school pickup. I thought to myself, “Don’t you know how lucky you are to live in the same place? To see each other every day? To sleep in the same bed every night?” I would literally do anything to see Tom again in that moment and it just made me feel sad to know others take it for granted.

– We went to Winterhaven to look at the Christmas lights and as usual, we stopped by the Wishing Tree. You can write a wish on a piece of paper and add it to the paper links that surround the tree. You can read Livi’s wish if you want to cry.

-The Pilot shaved his creeper mustache as my Christmas present. #blessed

– We’re starting to get ready for his homecoming and it’s so WEIRD and EXCITING to think that it’s actually almost here. My only concern has been how to cram deployment homecoming signs into my suitcase, but I think we’ll just get the supplies in Valdosta and make them in our hotel room. My other concern is how to make room for his clothes in our closet because I kind of took over the whole thing.

– I was feeling pretty confident about this whole solo parenting thing, even after everything that’s been going on and how crazy busy we’ve been over the holiday season. I couldn’t help but briefly think to myself, “You took care of the kids, and house, and ran a business, and did your thing. I’m proud of you.” Then, P got the flu. It was one of the worst weeks we’ve had in a long time, and I felt so awful for her. It was really challenging taking care of poor P and trying to entertain Liv and protect her from getting sick. I didn’t sleep for 6 nights straight because I just sat up in bed, totally overcome with worry. I felt like I hit a major wall. We only had 2 weeks left of the deployment and I had no clue how I was going to get it together to celebrate Liv’s birthday, throw her a party, and get us all ready to travel across the country. I’m SO THANKFUL we were here in Tucson because madre was able to help during the week of sickness. She took Liv for a couple of nights so she could get out of the house, and took her to Chuck E Cheese after her birthday dinner (P was ready to go home) so she could have some extra fun. She’s a real-life angel. I’ve learned with parenting that you can never feel confident or the least bit smug about anything. Every time I feel like I have my life together, something horrible happens. So I just keep my head down and keep trucking along, embracing the good times and hoping the tough times are over quickly.

– I’ve never looked forward to the show This Is Us so much. During the summer, I was like, “Just make it until This Is Us is back” and then on winter break, I was like, “When This Is Us is back again, you’ll only have a week left!” It helps a lot that this season has been really, really good. I’ve set the strangest little milestones this entire time, which always gave me something to look forward to. For example, I knew the exact day that Crazy Rich Asians would be available to rent on Amazon. It’s the little things. I’ll share some deployment tips in an upcoming posts, but having small milestones along the way makes a huge difference.

– We’re getting ready to pick him up this week… and I feel like the honeymoon and happiness feeling has already started.

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